come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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