Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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