Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
