i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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