I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
