Just fell off a train. Bad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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