Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
