So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
