WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
