Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
