3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
