Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
