i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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