Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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