They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
