After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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