Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
