put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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