Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
