We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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