ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
