My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
