so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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