My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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