Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
