I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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