I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
