I must be too annoying 4 u.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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