I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
