my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
