I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
