Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
