I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
