We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
