Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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