So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
