We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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