I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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