They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
