Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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