Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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