new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
