Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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