Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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