oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
