listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
