I'm really into asian looking animals
well you can't waste a boner
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
