so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
