I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
