Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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