She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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