Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
