wakey wakey hands off snakey
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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