He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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