My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
