I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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