Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
