you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
