Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
