explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
