Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
