I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
