just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize