That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was like eating out sand paper
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
