Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
