i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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