Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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