I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
