I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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