she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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