; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
