Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
