Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
