I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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