he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
