A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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