so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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