Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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