She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this beer tastes like vomit already
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
