im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
