I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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