After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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